Getting the most out of conversations in tricky orgs

Sometimes as a project manager you feel like a salesman, but one that’s selling something people distinctly don’t want. You’ve been brought in to do a job, speak to people you don’t really know well, and get them on-board something that they don’t want, don’t understand, or feel threatened by.

Every project manager knows, whether they have years of battle scars or they’re just starting out, that the crux of a successful career is mastering that very crucial conversation, building up that relationship and trust, and selling the “dreaded thing” while delivering return on investment and value. And your stakeholders are at the centre of that - you have to ensure that stakeholder discussions are valuable, productive and impactful. You have to ensure that these discussions drive the work forward and get the project done.

You could be a Shakespearean trained PM with a gift for the gab like nobody’s business - but some people carry biases, agendas and unfortunately can be quite hostile and unprofessional, even if you’re putting your best foot forward. There can be a lot of bullying of project and programme professionals, with senior managers yelling, interrupting, accusing and screaming at project professionals. I’ve borne the brunt of it, and have seen it many times in my career. And because project professionals tend to be fixed-term, temporary or contracting staff, there’s little they can do by way of protection. And though the human element of this is awful, from a practical standpoint in terms of effectiveness, I believe its one of the biggest reasons why, still in 2023, 70% of projects fail. Digital projects, my industry, have 75% of surveyed respondents feeling their “projects were doomed from the start”.

My absolute favourite project blogger, Elizabeth Harrin, of the Rebels Guide to Project Management, had a great article on her website by Paul Pelletier, LL.B, PMP. And he just came out and said in plain speak what I think we’ve all seen at the heart of difficult project conversations. Paul writes,

“[bullying] is a laser-focused, systematic campaign of interpersonal destruction. It has nothing to do with work itself. It is driven by the bully’s personal agenda and actually prevents work from getting done and after all, that is precisely what project managers are responsible for doing – getting project work done through the efforts of others."

So if your efforts with others are being sabotaged, how can you get the conversation right? Within the culture of bullying, you often find critical stakeholders involved in implementation or end users of the system saying “No one listens anyway”, the “direction is already set” and, “conversations are a waste of time”. And when you try to address this in governance or communication, you’re shot-down, undermined, or not listened to, just like the others in the team.

This can make the whole work of stakeholder conversations tiring, distressing, and overly complicated.

Well, you keep trying. We all know the tools, but it’s really important to avoid deviating from said tools in every conversation, to make certain you’re not caught out, and at least the lack of clarity is eliminated. The key six steps are:

1. Be prepared for the conversation you want to have: Always having a set agenda works really well. But having a loose to topic-based agenda works well too (I know people will have a fit when I say this) but depending on the conversation, you may want to achieve different things. If you want to gather and identify issues, keep the agenda very light to ensure people feel listened to. If you want to push people along, set a very clear agenda with time constraints.

2. Active Listening: Don’t pretend you’re interested, really be interested. This is your project, and they have the key to success.

3. Tailor Communication: Adapt your communication style to suit the person’s needs. Some may prefer formal presentations, lots of handouts and the like, while others may appreciate informal, general, or one-on-one discussions. Try to get to know them by dropping in to see them in the office, or scheduling in a getting to know you session (if that works).

4. Maintain Transparency: Be open and honest in your communication. Share both positive developments and challenges. Now, bullies mostly hate that, and will try to use your honesty as a weapon against you. But transparency builds trust and credibility - and that’s the long game. Your reputation will stay in tact if nothing else.

5. Show empathy and focus on solutions: See it from their perspective, and really see it. Walk in their shoes a bit mentally - what is it they’re struggling with? What don’t they know? Demonstrate a willingness to find solutions and alleviate anxieties.

6. Follow Up and document: Don’t leave a big gap between following up - even if it’s just to say you’re working on it. You want to be approachable, and allow people to see you as a partner in their goals for the project. And keep accurate records of decisions, feedback and actions - these are not only valuable as project assets, but offer you and your stakeholder an audit trail they can use to ensure decisions are upheld.

We all know the importance of effective stakeholder conversations in implementing best practices and building strong relationships. This isn’t always easy, and you should know this going in. Project management is all about relationships, and relationships are sometimes dysfunctional. So in order to navigate this and ensure well-engaged and satisfied stakeholders, follow the steps above. And don’t forget, even if you come up against bullies, the number one reason you’re doing this is to drive benefits while ensuring growth, collaboration and innovation.

So no matter what, keep the conversation flowing, because if you keep talking you and your stakeholders will achieve excellence together.